my_journal3

Rugby!

2008-02-16T22:48:47Z

Pumped for Rugby to start up again...FINALLY.

ps.

2008-01-02T01:28:18Z

And another thing to add on to that last one, all i ever need to hear now is that it's just you and me now. No one else, and thats how its going to stay. Nothing else matters cause its just us. <3

Its a new year, and I am going to keep it that way.

2008-01-02T01:12:38Z

I know I usually dwell on... almost everything, but now that its a new year, I'm going to try my hardest to just forget about it, start over, and keep walking forward instead of looking back at the past, because even if I did make a mistake, or do something I regret entirely, there isn't anything I can do about it now other than let it go. It makes it easier I think because the one person who really matters forgives me and tells me its okay, and loves me anyway. Now the hard part is to forgive myself for being an idiot. When I look at it from the point of view you showed me, I feel so much better. Even if I did do something I regret, we're still perfect, and I don't want to let something so insignificant bother me so much. Its a lot easier typing this all out but ah, I feel so much better talking about it here so I can get it all out of my head. Every time I talk about it, I get a little upset, but talking to you about anything makes me feel closer to you, and ah. You make everything better. Its so weird, actually, it's not really, but you know what mean. I think I felt so bad about this whole thing is because I've never felt this way about anyone, and I've never felt this guilty about anything because I have never been so scared of losing someone. No one makes me smile the way you do, and no one has ever treated me the way you do. With you everything is different, I don't feel threatened, or afraid of you hurting me or anything like the way I did with everyone else. The only thing I am afraid of is losing you. I don't ever want to be with out you, and I know you said I never will be, and ah every time you tell me that, I feel so much better, and I feel secure. So after this entry, I am honestly going to try to remember this and everything you said to me about how shit happens, and how its alright and how everything is okay. I'm also going to keep telling myself when ever I get upset about it that its in the past, and its a small, insignificant, meaningless nothing and I don't want to let it interfere with us anymore. I don't want to have to bring it up anymore and I don't want to be sad anymore. Everything we have is so much more than that one thing. Everything we have is perfect. We have fun together, we can talk to each other, we make each other smile without even trying, we don't argue, we're cute, we help each other, we make each other feel better so simply as breathing, and ah. Why am I going to let this stupid shit bother me when there is so much more than that? I love you Ayelet. I know this isn't an email, but I know you know this is directed towards you. We are perfect, and I'm not going to let any of this stupid shit get in the way of that anymore. Well, I'm going to try my hardest. I love you.

Can I go home now?

2007-12-03T23:20:44Z

So. College is heaps of fucking fun. NOT. My roommate has no respect for anyone in life... and she thinks its okay and comfortable for everyone in the room while she is messing around with her boyfriend? I don't even know if they are together or whatever. I don't care though. I don't want to hear them making out and touching each other and their little fucking sounds and heavy breathing. And after two hours, I finally said something and she gave me a sorry excuse of they aren't going to see each other for 6 weeks and blah blah blah its hard. As if i don't know its hard to be away from someone? Is she kidding?? I'm six hours away from Ayelet and see her on breaks. She lives TWO HOURS from him and they go to school together. I'm so pissed that that was her excuse. I mean, come on. I've told her I would leave the room if they wanted to be alone, I really just wish she would respect me the way I do her. I honestly would NEVER put her in that position, for one because it would make her uncomfortable, and two, i've known her for less than half a year. Like ah. I'm done.

Hopefully I can still switch roommates for the Spring. 11 days until I am home. THANK FUCKING GOD.

Whatever. Shower time.

freaked out

2007-11-30T02:26:58Z

So today sucked a whole lot.

first, i got rope burn at work from re-tying ropes that had weights on them that seriously weighed maybe 2 lbs. lighter than I do. After that, I went back to my room to start studying for my experimental design class that I just got a grade of 49/100 on a paper that is 10% of my grade. After that, i ATTEMPTED to read an article for that same class and honestly could not even grasp the first three sentences. I don't know why I took such difficult classes. Stemming from that, I'm worried about getting into Cortland and New Paltz next year. I need a 2.5 GPA and I don't want to be stuck here next year. Ugh. I don't want to think anymore. Chicken and Stars time.

home. yay. i guess.

2007-11-20T04:07:47Z

So close, yet so far away.

my_journal3 @ 2007-10-23T22:06:00

2007-10-24T02:10:10Z

So, I'm bored and figured I should put up a post since I haven't wrote in this journal in a while.

today I freaked out because I found out that my GPA is lower than a 2.0 right now because my grades so far have been based off of one test grade in basically every class. So, when I found out, I kept thinking about it, and scaring myself thinking its final, but then I was talking to Ayelet for a while, and went to the gym, and felt a hell of a lot better, or wait, ill start bringin it back with you, *hella* better, and then studied three chapters of experimental design, outlining each of em on index cards.

What else happened today?

It took me a good half hour to make my bed. My sheets are now bright pink and very comfortable. :)

Oh. I also found out today that my schedule next semester is going to most likely suck. Two history classes, two english classes (not a problem at all), french 112, and possibly art...I have to talk to him about the art thing, considering he doesn't think I should take 18 credits because I'm pretty sure he thinks I'm half retarded. Ugh.

Rugby game was cancelled this Thursday. Clarkson sucks BIG TIME, and now we're not going to states because Clarkson fucked us in the ass.

Deer and Beer is on the 17th of November though!! In Cortland!!!!! oh man. I am superrrr exciteddddddd!!

I'm also scared about my GPA because I am trying to transfer to Cortland and I really want to get in. Ahh.

Well, I'm going to go listen to some musicals now, and study for Biology maybe. who knows. I think I will :)

Seven more nights

2007-10-04T01:42:58Z

7 more nights!! I am so excited to go to Cortland and see Ayelet in a week!!! Oh man. Going from seeing her every single day at work over the summer, to not seeing her at all while we are away at school is so hard and aah. I miss her so badly It hurts. I seriously have never missed someone this much in my life. I know some of you who are reading this might be thinking that i always say that about every girl I'm with, but this time it really IS different. I don't know what it is about her, she is just so amazing. Aaah. She's so sweet and caring and cute and mushy like me, and aaah. And the way she looks at me, the way she smiles, and the sound of her voice, I can't even take it. Aaaah there are simply NO WORDS to describe how amazing she is. I am so glad to have her in my life, I honestly don't know what I would do if she wasn't

School is pretty awesome though. Today there was a sex talk in the lounge, which was...pretty interesting and I dunno, I think I might pick up some of the courses they offer about it, I think it'll be awesome to learn about all that stuff.. ya know?

I miss home quite a bit.. Baby and KC, the store, fighting with Nick, Smackin Dan in the crotch all the time, beating charles in wrestling matches... Aaah. everything. But winter break will be awesome... AND PEOPLE SHOULD COME VISIT ME! I MISS EVERYONEEE

my_journal3 @ 2007-08-19T23:34:00

2007-08-20T03:35:42Z

Finally got my email back about theatre maintenance job!! yessss! I didn't even get the job yet, but I can't explain how excited I am!! I really hope I get it!! He said I seem like a really strong candidate :) :)

*EXCITEMENT!!*

my_journal3 @ 2007-08-16T04:26:00

2007-08-16T08:28:58Z

everyone is leaving.

i just want to leave and forget everything. i can't deal with home anymore. i can't eat anymore. i'm not sleeping anymore. I just wat to get out of here.

my_journal3 @ 2007-08-15T00:09:00

2007-08-15T04:12:29Z

anxiety is making me not able to eat...this isn't good.. it hurts everytime... :/

School is in 9 fuckin days....
everything is going to be so different
I'm scared

I wish i could play guitar better.

my_journal3 @ 2007-08-15T00:09:00

2007-08-15T04:12:29Z

anxiety is making me not able to eat...this isn't good.. it hurts everytime... :/

School is in 9 fuckin days....
everything is going to be so different
I'm scared

I wish i could play guitar better.

great.

2007-08-11T14:31:03Z

I fucking love when my mom opens my mail.

my_journal3 @ 2007-08-11T02:36:00

2007-08-11T06:37:42Z

og enoyreve did erehw

do you think in complete sentences?

2007-08-09T05:42:01Z

Is anyone COMPLETELY honest with themselves in any journal? im not even talking about here. any journal. Does anyone else hold back even to themselves when it is being spoken aloud, or written down where someone is alway at risk of hearing or seeeing it? hm. there is some food for thought.

Patch of Grass Cavalry Dr.

2007-08-09T05:38:52Z

Rode my bike from Congers to HAverstraw to New City, layed down in a patch of grass under a tree and just thought for an hour and a half. it was relaxing, but i didnt wanna fall asleep outside and get my bike stolen or something.

Boreddd...

I might go to sleep..

my_journal3 @ 2007-08-02T16:05:00

2007-08-02T20:06:07Z

Inferiority complex??

I'm sick of this class.

2007-04-23T15:46:26Z

It seems that everytime i walk into the room for political science, I get really anxious and annoyed. If it weren't for this guy who sits infront of me bitching and moaning about how gay marriage SHOULDN'T be legalized, i would be completely fine everyday from 11am to 12pm. But that is definitely not the case. usually i pay no attention to him, and ignore his ignorance and need to express his feelings to the world, but today i actually argued with him until the teacher ended it by bringing up a new topic. Today the argument he presented that if you are gay, there is NO WAY you can believe in God. I mean, I am not religious and I myself do not believe in God, but still. I can't stand him, and I've come to realize even if we agree to disagree, I am still going to resent coming to this fuck class.

Again.. Really happy

2007-04-18T22:36:29Z

Even though she couldn't hang out tonight, Saturday night she is coming over :) and this time, no family members will be joining us, thank god.

so i kinda sorta need to update

2007-04-10T03:35:30Z

i haven't felt like this in a really long time :)

Oki.

2007-02-25T22:09:26Z

This time, no exceptions.

my_journal3 @ 2007-02-16T00:56:00

2007-02-16T05:58:50Z

hey guys, im serious about the last entry.. so please, don't make it a joke, cause i really want to follow through with it :) and it'll be harder if you make it a joke :-/

<3333

Hoe Face? eh? eh?

2007-02-14T00:17:09Z

Julie is a cunt.

IM So0o0o0o0o0o0o0o HAPPY IM MOVING FUCKING SIX HOURS AWAY FROM THIS FUCKING WOMAN.

my_journal3 @ 2007-01-27T12:25:00

2007-01-27T17:33:49Z

Soo0o, I'm listening to Wicked now, and thinking of Nancy! :P hehehe.

School starts on Monday and i don't think i've ever been this excited to have to go to school. I'm especially excited for Western Civilization. Ahhh I can't wait!

The Admission office finally called back form New Paltz and told me that they recieved my application and I should be hearing back around the first few weeks of February. I'm really nervous [ biting nails as I type ]

before I cry...

2007-01-22T04:11:20Z

i need some time off.